Tuesday, September 13, 2016


She was reading the book Blink, about how in the blink of an eye people can know things about others. Sometimes it is that easy—to just know something—and sometimes people take the hard road. She realized that she had invested her love into a man without reading the signs… or else the signs had changed, because she couldn’t bring herself to open his birthday card to her.

Just days earlier, on his birthday, she had gotten him a birthday card first, and written a nice blessing inside for him. But his anger over something petty was so fierce that he let his temper rule over any love between them, and he tore her card in half.

She couldn't sleep that night, as he was in the living room and refused to be by her side, even though the argument was trivial. She prayed to God, and asked for Him to show her what was going to happen to their relationship, to their marriage. She prayed for wisdom and insight, and for a sign.

She quietly laid there, getting ready to pray, but first she wanted to make amends with him, to show him she loved him… to do an act of good will towards him, for there is nothing she would not do for him.

So she went and pulled that broken card out of the trash, and noticed it had not been removed from the envelope, so had not yet been read. If only he could see the contents and know how she feel about him! Surely he would soften and find forgiveness and love inside his heart for her. She quietly took the dismembered card to the bathroom and mended it while he slept. She taped the card together front and back, making sure with great care that the torn edges were matched at their raveled seams, and then taped the envelope front and back as well. She gently put the birthday card inside the envelope once again and placed it by the mirror so he would see it, and open it, and read it, and be blessed and know that she adored him.

She went back to bed, and prayed. After praying a special prayer she laid there quietly, listening to the first thing that came to mind. The answer to her prayer and symbol of good will was surely to come. She was sure God would tell her what to expect regarding their marriage and relationship.

She prayed the special prayer no less than 20 times....

Then she laid still, hopeful and wondering, listening…

She immediately heard her husband get up from his bed, walk into the bathroom, and…. he ripped up the card again, unseen. Unread, it was demolished again.

She burst into tears because that card represented her heart, her love for him, and it had been rejected, destroyed. She knew he would do the same thing to their marriage. It was clear. It was done.

In that moment she knew that their marriage would not last, because being angry was more important to him than being forgiving. Being contentious was more important than getting along. Destroying what they had, and the love that was freely given to him was more important than nurturing it and being grateful for what he has, she realized.

The proof, in her mind, that their relationship would end (in eventual divorce) was answered in that prayer, in the very moment of silence immediately after she had prayed it and was listening for God to answer. He did. He did answer it, but through the free will and choice He gives her husband to make the decision about what he wanted or didn't want in his life. She figured he makes that choice every moment of every day, and in every way in how he chose to treat her, his own wife. She should have known in a blink, rather than going to all this trouble to figure it out.

So that is why she never opened his birthday card to her… because he never opened hers. She was not resentful or revengeful enough to tear up his card, nor to even throw it away. It just sat there, unopened. She decided it would remain until he threw it away.

One day he would choose another woman again and rip her heart in two and would leave her for that woman, or for some dream that the grass is greener on the other side, woman or not. He would separate and date others, and divorce her, and maybe remarry or have the children she was unable to give him.

The day he would leave her would be that secondary rip to her card/heart, and the prayer would have come to pass, but he would never see her accept his love again after that. Once he would do this, any love he would give her after that would be refused just as she had refused to open his card.

The day he leaves her would be the last day he was to have access to that love.

She knew it was solely his choice.

It always was.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016


I made earth tubes once to cool my house. There's a 10-20 degree F difference between the inside and outside air temperature, inside your house being cooler when you use earthtubes. Of course, my house was a passive solar straw bale house, so it was energy efficient and had a 30 degree temperature difference between inside and outside!

The system is completely passive, which means no moving parts, and so uses no electricity, which means it's FREE (outside the cost of building them). Cost to make them is approximately $150/tube using new materials. You'll want one earth tube per room, or two for bigger ones. You'll need some yard space to dig the trenches to put them into the earth. The tubes are made out of thin-walled PVC.

You can find out more by reading my webpage on it here, plus there is a small PDF (version 1 of my old book) that you can read on my ebooks for free website here:


I also have a new full paperback (version 2) book that is greatly expanded on the topic, which is available through Amazon, for those interested in more details.

I hope you enjoy it and can save the earth and money while also staying more comfortable in your home... a win-win-win!

Sunday, July 3, 2016


What is a Baha'i marriage? I thought I knew, but today, after speaking with our Secretary on the Local Spiritual Assembly, I discovered it was so much more than what I had envisioned!

I am a Baha'i. My husband is a Baha'i. Yet, we did not realize until today that we do not have a "Baha'i marriage" in the technical sense. Oh yes, we are married, and yes, our parents all approved, and we are both Baha'is, but we found out that we can get the consent of our parents in writing and still have yet another ceremony where, specifically, the Baha'i vows are taken.

What this marriage ceremony looks like can vary from culture to culture (ceremonial practices, dress, dance, music, food and drink, prayers and readings, traditions (if any), some modern vows mixed in, etc.). Again, it is the vows and how it occurs that make it a Baha'i marriage.

Baha'i vows are simple... both parties say, "We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God." Two witnesses are present to observe this union that promotes love, devotion, fidelity, and especially obedience to God, together. It is meant to be an everlasting union, between two people, in the highest possible way--in spirit.

The Baha'i faith does not have clergy, but the marriage is made legal and binding under the laws of the land (marriage license, ceremony, witnesses, so that all the religious and civil requirements are met).

Another thing I learned today about the Baha'i marriage is that not all "Baha'i marriages" (as per what is mentioned above) consist of both partners being Baha'is. Some are "mixed" marriages, religion-wise. Also, some people get married legally and then may later (even decades later) get married again to renew vows or to be married officially as a Baha'i marriage. Some start out with a Baha'i marriage. Consent in writing is required by all parents (who are still alive), even when the couple may have already been married, although since they are already married this is usually a simple step.

So there it is. Baha'i marriages are very simple to perform, but the consent of the parents in the family is meant to bring families closer together, and so there is full understanding and no contention between family members as the couple moves forward in the marriage. It is to promote harmony and love and support, rather than dissension.

Baha'i marriages are meant and designed to last.

I would love to have a Baha'i marriage...

Monday, June 20, 2016


In the future...
In the future our world will look very different. Things will change. People will change first, and therefore governing bodies will change. Laws will be adopted and structural violence will not be tolerated. Global society and global citizenship will be the norm. Love will replace fear, and differences between people will be celebrated instead of being a source of contention. Unity in diversity and unity between religions will be the standard. A common spiritual acceptance will be the goal of every heart, and healing and growth of individuals will be the focus. Sicknesses will still occur but medical science will advance to the point where even aging will slow, and people will live in tune with nature rather than against it. Everyone will have basic needs taken care of as a human right... clean unadulterated water, a basic income to subsist on, a basic net positive green home, low-cost non-profit universal health care, real organic food grown locally that is GMO-free and where companies like Monsanto no longer exist. The disparities between the super rich and the poor will be overcome and not allowed. Utility companies will be non-profit and small-scale energy production will join a network of free and abundant energy so no monopolies will exist. No one will own land or the earth, but will share in its care as the greater goal. Travel without energy-consuming and polluting vehicles will be commonplace, and trips to other cities, countries, and even planets via walk-through portals will be everywhere. Learning and higher education will be free and ignorance will be eradicated, producing a society of learned people as a whole who take the time working to improve the arts and sciences equally towards the same ends. All languages will still be spoken, but one auxiliary language will unite the world in communication and goal setting. All peoples and cultures will have concensus for global peace, and they will rise together and quash any small group or people who try to interfere or bring war or injury. There will only be one currency and it will barely be needed, and mostly resource-based. There will only be one governmental ruling body that unites all countries and laws and the people will be its rulers together. The world of the future is unified and bright and full of inspiration and hope and promise. It will happen not because of fears, but because of love for humanity and a higher purpose being recognized and all life being honored. This change will only happen without because it first happens within. The change comes from within people first, and the rest follows. Until that day, individually or collectively, the changes we see in the world are hard pressed in coming. People are still attached to hate and fear, and are afraid of that future, or their neighbors, or other religions, or sexual orientation, or even this vision of a more perfect future. Those people will not live to see that future, for they choose the present state that is around them now, and are attached to it. But once let go, with love, kindness, compassion, justice, peace, and visions of that future world becoming all-embracing, then it will fruit and be accomplished. The change starts now. It starts with what we strive for and dare to believe in. It starts within. It starts with us.

Monday, June 6, 2016


I learned a long time ago that talking calmly and knowing ahead what you want to say to someone in an important conversation is the KEY to having success. I discussed the topic of porn addiction with someone in this manner yesterday and there was an admitted problem, and they agreed that it was an obsession and that they planned to stop. It was an amazing breakthrough and went so smoothly. No fighting, nor blaming or arguing. Just an adult conversation that I guided.

Today I heard about an opposite occurrence that happened. A lady I know had gone out with the husband and mother-in-law for dinner the night before at a pub, for a beer and hamburger. She wore jeans, slip on shoes, and a nice blouse. The next morning her husband yelled at her for being a "slob" because she wore jeans, which "wasn't professional" (realize they were going to a pub, not a business meeting). He was demeaning and had never said anything the evening before, when it actually happened. He was mad at her for something else the next morning and then blew up with blaming and criticizing. This is NOT how to handle discussions about any topic, whether negligible or important.

Intentional discussions are:
kept in a low even tone
direct but not demeaning
without name calling
handled at the proper time
kept to the topic
firm but kind
planned ahead (agree on a time for the discussion beforehand)
no blaming allowed

Seek help if you are in a situation where you cannot seem to have an adult conversation with someone in this manner. It takes practice, and it has to be intentional. Remember the Bible verse, "A kindly tongue turneth away wrath."

Sunday, May 29, 2016


Nothing had changed her joy in him.
Nothing had altered that depth of love.
Only her own choice to listen to the message, given again and again.
"I made a mistake."
"I made a mistake."
So she stopped holding the thread that bound her heart.
Her foot stepped once, into her future.
There the wilde approaches.
No expectation replaces disappointment.
No desire consumes all sadness, radiating a new joy and endless love.
All but him.
She was his mistake.
But nevermore.

Saturday, May 28, 2016


It's never going to be the same, is it?

Your distance, because I let loose on you with harsh words that hurt, are obvious.

It is the same for me, accumulated over time. Years of blame, threats, and abandoning me and pushing me away finally sunk in.

I broke. Cracked by a small trigger. Something as insignificant as a question mark after the word sex. Didn't you know if you wanted to? Perhaps not... maybe it was yet another attempt to show me that I am not your priority or desire.
Maybe it was miscommunication.
Maybe it was my insecurities.

Maybe it was coming no matter the trigger.

My desire for you was always inescapable for me. Except this one time.

Like a dam holding back all the inner conflicts and negative thoughts, then bursting forth from my soul's cavities, spilling out their mycelial contents from the secret places never before seen, deep in the earth of my heart. As if having tentacles with a life of their own. Communicating things your ears could never hear.

The brash and biting sting of the Scorpio rising, the flooding emotions of the Pisces moon, the lost desires of the Cancer sun, culminating in one fell swoop, articulating it's judgments against your weaknesses. Weaknesses made obvious and glaring. Putting you down as I have been put down. Demeaned and controlled the way I was.

Pure retaliation, the defensive stance of a broken heart, which had given up and given in just a few weeks before. When skipping going to national meant I'd been duped by your threats to leave me... yet again.

I finally agreed and said you could leave, but that I was not leaving. But by then I actually wanted to. Now I would give you a reason to. You would see truth, from my eyes. Deep, hurtful and hateful words that you deserved. Words so true they are physically painful.

Oh yes, you deserved it... so many times. But I had held back too long, thinking it was over when it wasn't. Being told you wanted to work on our marriage when you didn't.

I broke. It was my heart split in two, bleeding out and drowning. The knife of your intentions scraping out every last bit of love and martyrdom that my soul could muster.

I hurt you back. You needed it, because I said so. Because it felt good to show you what it felt like.

This inclination is normally kept in check. Except that one time.

This time. When I let loose on you, out of the blue, as you had to me so many times. Treating me like a child, as your mother treats you. Like mother, like son. Like husband.

Blame me for it, as always. Threaten to not pick me up when I return. Abandon me again, will you?

This time it was on purpose. I meant every word.

Has it driven a wedge between us?
Your actions, especially the last year, were the wedge. My response became the hammer driving it in deeper... deeper... so deep that it would leave my heart and enter yours.

I will give in to dissolve this marriage as you have dissolved my love. I no longer have reason to keep trying.

My loyalty gave up.
My trust obliterated, gone.
My love diminished like a puddle drying up in the hot Texas desert, with deep mud cracks replacing desire.
My solid hope turned into a thin veil of haze, dissipating like fog burning off in the sun at noonday.

There is nothing left of me for you. I lie, but it sounds good when it hurts beyond the pain threshold.

But know this... by the time I broke, it was already too late anyway.

All that is left is a glimmer of a dream on the horizon, a weak call of a distant bird making its nest. Butterflies and moths and dragonflies fluttering about, being guides for the tipi-like structure of my soul, and as friends that pollenate the flowers of my perennial food forest. This is to be my life now. All these networks replacing the void you created and left behind.

It's not that my loyalty ever changed, or that my love faded. It's that it was used and abused so that it was ruined, like vinegar poured into milk, making it curdle. A very real chemical change.

What was once fresh was now made sour and lumpy.

So off to new recipes where sourdough is needed, and outcast weeds like me become a boon of nourishment, and recycled and natural resources abound. Where people help people, and shared vision becomes a reality. Where my person is more important than a slammed car door.

You are not in that scene, except as an aside. A friend at most, with only a few benefits if played well.

But never, never ever will I marry another again. Because I promised you would be my last, and I alone cannot make that happen. My efforts have now waned.

I am ruined for that life, which I must leave behind. Not by my choice, but by yours. I merely responded so as to give you the opportunity to be happy... without me. Because as you said, you hate me.

Change is never easy. Now you have been given a reason. Now you can go, because the thread I was holding together has broken.

This is your moment. The one you've been waiting and yearning for.

You didn't want the romance or love, or a lifetime partner. Why the fuck did you ask me to marry you and ruin my life? My hopes, my dreams? Did you not see you were in them? I wasn't in yours, evidently.

You want to be single, so you can date other women and be with more than one at once. As if your fantasies are greater than the reality of a loving and devoted wife.

You threw me away for the last time. I've stepped into the garbage can and saved you a step.

So be it.