Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Note: Archetypes are symbolic representations (models/prototypes) of what human beings know in life... great "types" of people and personalities and characterizations that we all have experienced, or even been. The archetypes are in all CAPS below in the story... which ones are you?

Once upon a time there was an innocent CHILD. Her parents were MOTHER, who was both nice and nurturing, but sometimes reacted out of fear, while her FATHER was both protective and gentle but did not always see clearly because he wore very thick glasses.

And every day the FATHER brought home good nourishing food, and the MOTHER cooked it and fed it to the CHILD and husband. They even brought over their FRIEND to eat with them sometimes, the crazy old FOOL who lived next door. They felt sorry for the FOOL because although he was lucky occasionally, he sometimes did not know how to live well or make wise decisions. They would talk and joke and eat healthy food though, and everyone was happy…

Until one day the FOOL invited the CHILD into his house and fed her candy and cake. This made the CHILD sick, but the FOOL told her not to tell her parents because they would get mad at her. The CHILD, in her innocence, and desire for his candy and cake, obeyed him. Because of the desire for candy and cake, the CHILD and the FOOL became secret friends over time, and the FOOL began to sneak poison into the foods to her so that she did not want to eat when she got home. The MOTHER and FATHER began to worry, but the CHILD did as the FOOL had instructed, and she began to tell stories as to why she was not hungry and why she felt so sick. She would even sneak out at night in order to eat poisoned candy and cake when her parents were asleep. The FOOL made the CHILD so sick that her MOTHER and FATHER finally wondered what was happening, and asked the CHILD, but she had been well trained to lie. Out of habit of eating too much poisoned candy and cake, and sneaking into the cupboard to spy some that the MOTHER had hidden, the CHILD asked her FATHER for it. So thinking in a SAVIOR-like flash, he offered to give the CHILD some if she would tell him the truth. She agreed and admitted that the FOOL had been giving her candy and cake all along. After showing his CHILD the candy and cake she had already spied out, but not ever giving her any, the FATHER then told the MOTHER what he had found out. The CHILD was instantly angry at the FATHER. The MOTHER, wanting to know if it was true, asked the FOOL if he had been feeding the child bad food. He admitted he was, because he was a FOOL after all, and so the MOTHER and FATHER banished him from ever coming to their home again, and told the CHILD she could never see the FOOL again. However, the child was still angry at the FATHER over the candy and cake, and she was angry at her MOTHER for keeping her from seeing the FOOL, who was her FRIEND. The poison had warped her mind, and her parents became her ENEMY.

And because of this poisoned mind, the CHILD, and her sudden separation from her FRIEND the FOOL, she became distraught. The FOOL told the authorities what he had done, and the TRICKSTER leader of the authorities asked the CHILD who else had fed her candy and cake, so she said that her FATHER had done so, and that her MOTHER knowingly let him. The TRICKSTER loved chaos and saw this as an opportunity for personal advancement in the Army-of-Ruthless-Sadists (ARS) institution where he worked, since catching two criminals is better than one. He made threats and scared the MOTHER to tears before tricking her into thinking that everything would be okay if she just let him be in control of the situation, and then he wrote a “confession” with special words that sounded self-incriminating and forced the FATHER to sign it, still pretending he was “helping” him.

And because the MOTHER said the FATHER was the HERO, and had used a moment of insight to find out the truth of what was happening to the CHILD by the FOOL, they all thought she was lying, because what kind of FATHER would show a child poisoned candy and cake when he probably actually fed it to her? Due to this the ARS system, and their faith in the authority of TRICKSTER, and the so-called “confession” that the TRICKSTER had devised, the FATHER was imprisoned by the ARS’ own self-serving deeds that “proved” he had fed candy and cake because the CHILD had said so, even though the CHILD had already repented and told the truth to the other co-TRICKSTERS that worked at ARS. They would not have it, as their hatred against the FATHER was too strong, and they believed him to be evil, and believed the MOTHER was bad and that she had convinced the CHILD to repent as a lie. The CHILD had to go live with her GRANDPARENTS, while the MOTHER nearly died from despair and the destruction of her family. She stuck by her husband, the FATHER of their child, and supported him while he was in the ARS prison. This went on and on and nothing ever changed for a few years…

Until finally the MOTHER realized that she was all her daughter had, and that the ARS’ co-TRICKSTER workers would never, ever let the FATHER come home because of their fear and insistence that he would, (supposedly) again, feed the child poisoned candy and cake as the FOOL had done. The FOOL, because he had admitted to the deed, wound up in a serendipitous position and never had to live at the ARS prison. He was free to continue living next door to the MOTHER, who had to move because the ARS and co-TRICKSTERS refused to make the FOOL move instead. They believed in rewarding the FOOL because he had behaved very well and had not fed any other children poisoned candy or cake. The MOTHER was a demon, however, in their eyes, and should pay for her terrible deeds of supporting the evil-incarnate FATHER continually. The leader of all the co-TRICKSTERS even told her she should also be in prison, and if it were up to him she would be.

And every day after that the MOTHER and the CHILD lived alone, and the MOTHER cried over her child, over her lost husband, and over her lost home, but knew that as long as all of the TRICKSTERS at the ARS institution counted on her husband coming home to her and the victim CHILD, they just simply would never let him out of the ARS prison. They would make him rot in there. So she decided she would let go of her fear, and let go of her despair, and let go of her loss, and take her CHILD into her arms, and she moved as far away from her husband – the FATHER of her CHILD – and vowed never to come back again. Her husband was sad and he felt like a MARTYR, but he understood that it sometimes comes to that when one is the HERO or SAVIOR in the story. When those at the ARS institution realized the MOTHER would never again let the FATHER near the CHILD they let him go free.

The End

Monday, May 23, 2011


I am not doing this to you; I am doing it for you.

There are reasons why I had to let you go…

I dreamt you into my life, and from that moment “my dreams came true because of you” (Shania Twain)

The universe handed us love, in a special basket of blessings, made with care… we took it, caressed it, loved and lived, and enjoyed every minute. All of life’s amazing details started falling into place, perfectly. The synchronicities were beyond chance.

However, early on I had a premonition that a council of people in high up authority would make a horrible and wrongful judgment against us, and I told you that “something bad is going to happen,” and knew that I was faced with a choice right then… either go forward and face it (or try to change it), or let go of the love that had been given to spare us from the grief to come. We chose love. We chose together. I chose, while you watched, listened, and allowed me to make the choice.

Two years later, on the fated date of 06/06/06 it happened… I will not go into the meaning of the number of man’s wicked ways that twisted our beautiful fate into something wretched and pitted. The next 5 of our 7 years together were to be filled with this agony, this misdeed upon our lives, these lies perpetrated by a criminal with a badge. It happened because of things said from the mouth of a confused child, who had been compromised by the confessed criminal next door, which had been improperly and unconstitutionally handled by those in power. Our lives became a wasteland. Desolate. Destroyed. My very soul was broken apart and all the pieces that used to be me became dead, except for the small piece I had been left as.

I chose to hold on that day, and perhaps I should have let go then, when faced with the choice again to let you go. But the loss was already too much, and I feared more loss, and held on in desperation, because of the horror I had seen and experienced. What I had seen in the vision was coming true… and I feared the worst. The key word is FEAR. It became the greatest threat of all, and in trying to “fix” things I made it worse. Instead of letting go I latched on tighter. Absolutely 100% of everything I tried, including to educate myself, backfired in some way, and it all imploded and exploded at the same time, by the end.

That was 2 ½ years ago, and over a year ago I almost let go again… and felt that things would go better if I did. Somehow you needed to process something, and so did I, but alone, separate, rather than together. If it were to last, it had to be broken apart. My being had already been shattered, so what worse could happen, except if I hold on? But my love and worry that you’d be hurt, or that you might hurt yourself, was too much to bear. How could abandoning you at your lowest hour be good? Why was the universe telling me to let go, finally, and yet I could not do it?

Then, just recently, something hit me, and I knew… KNEW… what I had to do, no matter how hard it was, or would be. I had to let go, completely. I had to say goodbye. I had to stop writing, or talking on the phone. I had to move on, and let you go through whatever you were supposed to experience, so that I could also experience whatever it is I am here to do. All the writing to me, and me to you, was keeping me from writing the message that I am supposed to tell the world. Our story. What happened. The gory details. The love given, the love lost. The tragedy. The courage. The real story of loss… and triumph.

So I have had to let you go, not to hurt you, but to save you. To give them the reason to let you go also. You’ve been imprisoned by their hatred, as well as my love. Now a higher love of freedom must ensue, so that you can know that what I do is not done to you, but for you, because you are loved so greatly. Because they will not ever understand it any other way. I cannot be with you, for you. Be free little bird… fly free through the hole in the wall… you are now home free. You are not even mine to keep.

Sunday, May 22, 2011


Sometimes the love between two people is perfect. Sometimes things or people in life come in between love, in order to tear it apart. Sometimes both extremes happen within the same relationship, at the same time. Just whose choice is this anyway?

I have dreams that come true... premonitions if you will. I dreamt about meeting my present husband, and the universe arranged everything so perfectly for us to meet, and be together. It was marvelous... the first two years like a dream... a dream come true. Literally.

I also had a premonition, early on in our relationship, that there would be a group of people who would conspire together to judge us wrongfully, and I told my husband, "Something bad is going to happen..." but we (humans in general) often try to suppress such feelings and knowings, or go into a kind of denial that such things can really occur, or think we can figure it out and "fix" it before or as it happens.

But a premonition is of something that IS going to happen. Period. Knowing a tsunami is going to occur does not mean we can put our arms together and attempt to "stop" the wave by our own limited power. I now wonder if having such premonitions can help us prevent - reverse - what we see is coming? In my case I knew that the only way to stop it would have been to cut off my relationship with the very person who had been promised to be the lover and husband side of God to me (which came true). Instead, I stood my ground, believing that love could conquer all. I believed we could stand the test of time, and go through anything together, and that we could set things straight, whatever it was that might happen.

But then one day we found out the neighbor had hurt our child (and admitted it), and a corrupt cop, who had a history of coercion (whom I had seen a "blackness" of energy all around him the first time I set eyes upon him), sought out to destroy our lives, and his lies and destructive behaviors bled over onto others, who in a chain of command, used those lies and deceit to absolutely undo everything we had worked for. They victimized the victim(s) and felt it was their duty to do so, not ever knowing the truth. Yet, even though they could not destroy our love, they still managed to destroy our family, our jobs and income, our lives, our reputations, and take away our home and peace of mind. We fought and lost tens of thousands of dollars, and in the end were shuffled into oblivion and separated by time and space. We lost in almost every possible way.

Yet our love remains, and the only way I have found to keep my sanity was to do what I was faced with in the beginning, which I first thought of and feared to do (loss), and now face with an even harder position... to let go of my husband completely. To release the one I love and give him up to the universe's goals, whatever they may be. For better or for worse. To move on and leave him behind, alone. To abandon the very one that fulfilled my dreams, and made me feel whole, loved, wanted, desired, and who made my heart smile endlessly. The one I love; the one who loves me.

It is the worst kick in the stomach. It is also like kicking someone else when they're down. I have lost him, and have had to lose him yet again. And I feel forced to have to choose this. What kind of choice is this anyway?

One day, if he dies before me, I will lose him yet again. To love and lose someone, over and over, is the saddest thing my heart has ever had to endure, yet it has to be done. Why? I don't know. It just does. I cannot explain it. I don't know the answers - they were not given to me. I only know what I have to do, and that is to move on. To release my will and to let go. To trust in what I cannot see, and cannot change, for whatever greater purpose is there to be done (if such a thing exists... it is comforting to think so).

If something changes in the future, and he is given back to me, then I will smile, yet will know that I will again lose him one day. Nothing in this life is permanent. Nothing is static. The only constant is change itself. The moments we all have now are precious. I have learned to enjoy them. To take nothing for granted.

So I await another dream or premonition that tells me when the universe is done with this phase of our lives, and what the next one will be... whatever that may be, and whoever it involves.

Sometimes the love between two people is perfect. Sometimes things or people in life come in between love, in order to tear it apart. Sometimes both extremes happen within the same relationship, at the same time.

Just whose choice is this anyway?

Oh yes... evidently the choice has been ours all along.

My choice was only delayed rather than avoided. I have learned that we must choose wisely in love. So now I surrender to love.