Saturday, April 28, 2012



Annie stared at the computer screen for ages before she could find the courage to write to her best friend from childhood. Annie and Nadine had grown up together, since age two, and had gone through over five decades of good times and bad, and their friendship had endured the test of time. Except not this… not the molestation.  Annie was done and was ready to tell Nadine that their friendship was over.

With near-trepidation but great determination Annie wrote. As her fingers typed her heart grew more courageous, and her head became swollen with anger. She told Nadine all of the feelings she’d been keeping secret all of these years, even since she had tried to tell Nadine several years before but couldn’t utter the words. Nadine and she had played sexual games as preteens, but it still bothered her.

Annie could feel it in her stomach, and her words were strong:

Dear Nadine,

It is hard for me to say this after all of this time, but Nadine, you sexually abused me.  When we were young, you violated me and my freedom by making me perform oral sex, and fondling each other’s breasts.  I tried to refuse, but I was afraid you wouldn’t be my friend anymore. You were stronger than me and I was an insecure young girl at the time. 

I now realize you had a power issue and that it was related to the abuse you received. I see the same thing in my kids. I’ve never heard you speak of having addressed your issue, so doubt you’ve dealt with it within yourself.

I am also aware that you sexually abused Erika and Rachel from down the street. I think you need to make an apology.

When I tried to ask you a couple of years ago you said, ‘Oh, we were just kids experimenting.’ I feel you coerced me to do things I didn't want to do via threats. Even though we were kids, it was abuse.

I've read a number of books on sexual abuse and abusers most often outright deny the abuse. If they admit what they’ve done, they claim it was mutually consenting.  They also consistently deny responsibility for their actions, occasionally blaming the victim. You might consider how this applies to you.


I cannot be friends with you until I can see something different than what I've seen from you thus far.  I'd like to see you own your own actions from our past.  I don't believe you'll ever be able to heal without that piece.


You refuse to accept responsibility for your failed marriages. The way you abandoned your husband makes me ill. Don’t you believe in commitment?


I pray for you, but I just don’t want to be your friend, and I have already unfriended you on Facebook. Things are unresolved for me, and I think you need to admit what you did to me in order to offer a balanced perspective to anyone else about sexual abuse. Take me off your email list, and don’t expect me to ever support your endeavors on these kinds of topics.






Annie made a huge sigh. She blinked hard, twice. After editing her letter, she mailed it to her former friend, Nadine.


She felt much better that she had gotten all of this ‘being molested’ stuff off of her chest… now she could heal.


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