Wednesday, September 12, 2012


“Watch it girls!” old lady Fran told the two teenage girls, “that’s going to come back and bite you on your biscuits!”

Both of the girls, best friends since they were 7 years old, just looked at each other and grinned. Tara gave that knowing look to Yvette as if to say the old lady had gone cuckoo. “Thanks Fran.” Yvette murmured under her breath as she took a step away.

“You think I’m kidding, don’t you!” Fran took a step toward them, shaking her cane at the girls as if it were an extension of her finger. “Haven’t you heard of steatopygia?”

“What’s that?” Tara questioned, suddenly curious to know. Yvette looked at Tara.

Fran made it sound mysterious. “I got it, simply because I made fun of big bums, like I heard you girls do toward that lady that passed by here a few minutes ago. It’s a real problem, and embarrassing in public, especially when you first develop it.”

She paused and licked her lips to create anticipation. Both girls stood there, watching, waiting to hear what old lady Fran would say next. “Let me explain. When I was your age, I used to laugh at women who had big buttocks, and especially if they had huge breasts. Then, I got stung by the karmic bug! When I hit puberty I wound up having the biggest butt of all—that is what steatopygia does... it makes your bottom grow to an enormous size! To make it worse, the good Lord punished me further by giving me puny boobs, so small that I had a hard time nursing my two children when they were babies!”

Tara and Yvette glanced at each other in their usual manner, but this time with a serious look on their faces. They simultaneously looked back at Fran, waiting for her to continue…

“The worst part is that I hated my big butt, and also my small breasts. I hated my body. I hated who I was.”

Fran groaned as she sat down in her chair on the front porch. “I hated myself so much that I didn’t take care of myself, ate all wrong, and gained so much weight that the problem got worse. And my boobs never did grow with the rest of me. Then one day something miraculous happened!”

Both girls spoke in unison. “What happened?”

“I nearly died. I despised myself and was so depressed while driving one day that I didn’t even pay attention to what I was doing. I got into an automobile accident and actually wanted to die when I saw that truck coming for me. But it was then that I realized that I didn’t actually want to die at all, I wanted to live, but I wanted to have a different ‘ME’. So I decided that the only thing about me that I could really change was my attitude. I forgave myself for the narrow-minded prejudice, fears, hatefulness, and biases I had carried in my mind and heart towards others—stemming from myself, which I was projecting onto others--and I learned to accept others the way they were, all shapes and sizes and personalities, including their flaws. Especially their flaws! Their weaknesses suddenly showed me their greatest strengths! Suddenly the Venus figurines from the paleolithic age became beautiful to me! I began applying these same principles to myself, and began accepting myself equally as well. In short, I learned to love myself… once I did this I actually started truly LOVING others at a much deeper level than just ‘not being prejudiced’ against them anymore. I accepted my tiny breasts and giant buns. It was then that the real and lasting changes took place… I cared about my body, ate better, lost weight, and not only was healthier and looked better, but I felt better! It had a cumulative effect.”

Yvette asked, “So loving others and loving yourself was the answer?”

“Yes,” Fran said as she tapped her cane once, “but although it started out that way, it was really the opposite order that made the biggest difference… loving myself first so that I could properly love others was the key.” Fran smiled her usual big grin. . “Then one day I met my husband, who is a butt-man… kind of like how some men are boob-men, or others like feet, while others like faces or thighs or something else. My unexpected gift was that I had a man who was crazy about my ample bum, and boy does that make a difference too! Sometimes the universe brings us what we need, whether that be lessons, or blessings!”

“Wow,” Tara said. “Thanks for telling us your story. It has really affected me. I guess there is karma for bodacious butts and boobies that exists out there!”

“It exists right here,” Fran pointed at her heart, and then reached out and touched each of the girls on their foreheads. “And right here.”

The girls said their goodbyes and Fran sat on her porch the rest of the afternoon, talking with the occasional passerby on her busy street, always having a story to tell, but only that one time did she speak of her experience with karmic butts and boobs.

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