Tuesday, March 5, 2013


The Vision:

In my vision you looked at me, your face became digitalized with electronic marks on it, then laser beams came out of your eyes and into mine. It overwhelmed me because of the intensity and I came out ("woke up") of seeing the vision. It freaked me out because NEVER have I had a vision that clear. It was uncomfortable. It was more than I could handle. That is the part that scared me.

My early interpretation:

So the big deal is the laser beams coming out of your eyes and into me... and the digital face with little circuit boards and microchip looking features all over. I KNEW it had to do with electronics or some type of electronic device or mode (I chocked it up to being skype since I see your electronic face there every day) but the laser beams are what threw me...

The timing:

So the date 12-3-12 came. The day of my divorce. It was "my time" to be with you fully finally. That day I was on my way home and heard that announcement on the radio (an electronic device) that had a man talking about a new laser beam technology (another electronic device) in a cell phone (could also be used in a tablet or computer, all of which are also electronic devices) where the little electronic "eye" is programmed to your eyes so that it recognizes your eye movements. Then once that occurs you can move your eyes and "tell" the cellular phone what to do. You can push buttons, move things around, and do whatever you can do normally with a cell phone, even type or text, all using your eyes only, totally hands free. I was riveted listening to this announcement on the radio because it was so unique. I was awed by it. Then I heard the lady tell about her experience using the laser device. She said, "I did what it said and it wouldn't program to my eye movements. Twice I tried but with no luck. Then finally it worked! I now think it's wild that I can move my eyes around and it will do exactly what I 'tell' it to do! Everything I look at, it follows. Every little thing I want, it does. It's amazing! It feels so weird because it was like LASER BEAMS WERE COMING OUT OF MY EYES!" <-- That is the sentence that got me. I immediately knew, on the spot, that the universe was telling me that THIS was the information I had been waiting to hear. Because it was connected to my vision. This vision was like a premonition, because I KNEW it was about something that was going to happen.

What it means:

It is control. The bionic eyes are fully about control, and controlling the thing being looked at (in this case, your eyes/will controlling me). A hands-free laser-eye application on a cell phone allows one to control the device using only your eyes, hands-free (you could also call it hands-off technology). It has to be programmed in order for it to work. Programming, evidently, takes a little while and possibly a few attempts before it "takes." Once done, you own it... it's yours to use as you wish. My vision was of you, and your eyes, having the laser beams coming out of them. One might think this is bad that you would try to control my every little move in this way, and it is. But who’s responsible here?

My responsibility:

The bionic eyes vision means, symbolically, you are the "user of the device" since it is your eyes doing the controlling of the device and its functions. In order for you to be like the lady in the example you would have to first be programmed by the laser program. The user's eyes must meet the laser and be programmed, and then control the device using the laser, based on that programming. Since your eyes met mine, and were like "laser beams coming out of your eyes" that means I am the laser part and the program within the device. You are the user of the device. I am the laser "eye" that did the programming. Bottom line: I programmed you to control me, although you chose to allow it, and abuse the power (abuse me).


I have been practicing listening. Listening to the universe. Listening to advice from people. Listening to you. I listen when I feel safe and trust the source. Since the bionic eyes hit me for the first time, however, I have not felt so safe. I felt the intensity to extreme measures, and like how it was enough to wake me up instantly out of the vision when it occurred, I had a hard, hard time with it when it happened in real life. I fought at first, and then listened, and realized you meant well, but your impatience and anger and negative words dug into my soul and made me feel attacked and demeaned and belittled. I was suddenly treated like a small child who was retarded and being picked on by neighborhood bullies. I withdrew, but I also worked on listening. Things have only gotten worse since then. I see you now. I see what you need...


What kind of madness is this? I’ve come to learn is the bipolar tendencies that are part of this controlling behavior, which is not what I expected, yet I am not surprised, looking back. You have a need to be alone now, and I am willing to allow it. Alone you want, alone you got! During this time, get a hold of this imbalance and find help. It is the only way I can possibly be there again. I can be there with you and for you, but you have to do it if you ever want this relationship to work. I have dealt with this sickness in others I’ve known, and these extremes are too much for my sensitive soul to bear, at least when I’m the one taking the brunt of it. Denial will not save you. Admitting there is a problem, and it is affecting our relationship, and DOING something about it is paramount. Otherwise you will probably be alone for the rest of your life. It is why you are alone still, and why you are alone tonight. I also know all you really want is to be loved and accepted and not rejected. I am not rejecting you, for you rejected me by throwing me out the door. Hurt me once, shame on you. I said it was more than I could bear and not to do it again. Hurt me twice, shame on me. I left. I am merely doing what you asked… letting you be alone. Fully. It’s what you wanted... remember?

Next steps:

I need time to think about what comes next. I only do what I’m told when I feel safe. I no longer feel safe, but attacked. By wanting to listen it opened up this attacker-victim mode in you and I take full responsibility for the part I played. When do you listen and when do you not? How much do we allow? Do I allow abuse? No. I will not allow it. I love you enough to not enable abusive behavior. I love myself enough to not allow it to occur again. Great strides were taken and benefited by both of us when I listened. But now… I just don’t know anymore. I need a break to breathe and feel safe again. I feel like I am in love with a madman…


You are my love. You are my madness… my listening helped… my quiet contrite spirit quelled your anger… yet when I argued it made things worse. Who is more mad, the one with the madness, or the one being made mad from the madness? You are mad. Angry. Bipolar or borderline. I don’t know anymore. I just know I have a choice, and am unsure which route to choose.

You are my love…

You are my madness…

Madness song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhvtRykqpQk

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