Friday, April 11, 2014

THE POWER TO SUBMIT

Lorena sat atop the cliff's edge looking out across the canyon before her. She saw the stream at the bottom, which was a disappearing stream that dove gently under the rocks and soil, eventually hidden from sight underground. Lorena knew that somewhere else, perhaps miles away, that stream might surface yet again, and it got her thinking about her love, Keith.

Keith was standing behind the boulder that she was next to, whittling away at a broken branch with his pocket knife, forming the wood into something worthwhile, based on its natural shape. Keith had a knack for creating things, and Lorena looked at him with admiration for his gifts.

She sat up straight, realizing that he had a kind of power over her... The kind that made her fall in love, even through the tough times. Just last week she and Keith had a huge fight that nearly broke them apart, yet in the end it brought them even closer together. She realized it was his rarely-seen bossy side that drove her crazy, yet she secretly liked it all the same. It made her respect him, and that he was not a pushover, or wimpy. She liked strong men.

Power plays. Everything in life is a struggle of power, or a dance, depending on how you look at it. It happens between everyone, everywhere. Nothing and no one is exempt. Even the atoms in the universe are bound to these laws, with fantastic gravitational pulls of the stronger black holes sucking in entire stars and planets, which are smaller, weaker. When two people meet, whether they be a child and a dog, or a boss and employee, or a man and woman who are dating or married, similar power statuses are set up, sometimes on par, and sometimes mixed, and sometimes extremely different.

For Lorena and Keith, they were mostly on par, although each had different power areas, personally speaking. Lorena's strengths were in running projects, and Keith's strengths were in overseeing Lorena.

Lorena spoke up, "Keith, do you think that some people are more powerful than others, like naturally?" "I suppose so, since all people are equal, yet not the same. Some are stronger in some things but not in others, or some are more physically powerful while others are weaker."

Lorena considered this. She scooted closer to the cliff's edge and pondered it silently for a while, mindlessly tossing tiny pebbles into the chasm below where her feet dangled. 'Deep waters,' she thought...

Lorena finally spoke up, "I really like that under your smooth passive surface lies a deep river, and underlying current of passion, even anger, as if it were flowing magma that escapes like a volcano erupting occasionally. It lets me know you are real, and not faking it, and that you care. Same goes for you trying to control things I do or don't do. As hard as that is to let myself be controlled at times, I am unbelievably grateful that you care that passionately and want me to listen to you in the little things. That is important to me, did you know that honey? I NEED that in the depths and hidden recesses of my very soul... I do so love you Keith!"

Keith looked up, "Wow, my sweetest sounds like a poet at this moment. Yes love, we are both like that, with vast amounts of personality within us."

"True," Lorena added, "we have both been described as multifaceted in our personalities. Rarely do I let people see my deepest parts, for only God has seen it. When I admitted to you last time we fought, that I cried and sobbed and felt as I do, that was me allowing you to see a window-peek at just how deeply you have affected my soul. There is none who is as powerful as you for me, for you have a way and a touch that both guides and keeps me in line like no other before. You are the love of my life! Truly. The bonus is that I am highly sexually attracted to you, and powerless against your sexy body taking me in however you wish." She was dead serious, even though she had brought a psychological principle straight down into the gutter.

Keith's face grimaced. "I'm sorry honey, but I just don't feel that way."

Lorena's heart sank. "You don't feel what way towards me?"

"Powerless towards my body taking you. It is a God given trait." He set his knife and his half-whittled wood piece down on a log, and then stepped lightly towards Lorena, placing his hand on her shoulder.

He reworded it, "You can't be powerless of me taking you; it is a God given trait." He hoped it would be clearer this time.

Lorena realized he not only saw her as a powerful being, but also himself, yet he was not willing to abuse that power.

Lorena spoke up, "Keith, you see, it's like this... " She choked up momentarily before continuing, "I somehow need to feel powerless, see? I need to submit to you, so badly. It has been so hard for me, fighting for my independence and personal freedom my entire life, but because you expect me to listen to you without demanding it, I must. It is a seeming contradiction, a conundrum, yet true in my most hidden places of my soul, which yearns and cries out for acceptance and the need to be needed, and not rejected. I can't explain it... Putting this secret into the light does not appear the same as it does in the firelight within the cavern of my being."

He was trying to grasp what she was saying. "I just don't understand how you can be powerless against me. I don't wish to have or exert that kind of power over you."

Realizing that he was as turned on by her power over him as she was of his power over her, she chimed in, "I do have power honey, just as you do, but I have traditionally used it over others rather than myself. The latter is the greatest challenge of all. It is not that I am powerless, but that I put myself aside to honor you and not usurp you, yielding my power up to you, submitting as if powerless. I still have power, but the choice is to use my power over MYSELF to do as you wish. Then you have power over me by default. That said, I would only do so when I know I can trust you to take care of me and not hurt me."

She felt her voice getting shaky, but continued. "I want to love you so fully that I could put my ego aside and fully trust, because honestly I don't trust most people, and they are not worthy of it. I just gave you a huge compliment and honored you, and you missed it. But am glad you got it now." Lorena sighed.

Keith leaned forward and kissed the crown of Lorena's dark curly hair. "Alright, that makes much more sense to me. Thank you sweetheart."

Feeling like it needed to be extruded further, even though he was satisfied, she continued, "Submitting, for me, takes far more strength and power than to fight, in my humble opinion. That desire is why I get so turned on, because it is ethically and spiritually the RIGHT thing to do, to honor and listen to God--or the universe, whatever you want to call it--and why I MUST submit myself to you, as I would to any greater Power. It is as a physical expression... a symbol of that trust and love. It is my soul's purpose, even if it means some form of my own destruction; but then am I freed."

Lorena didn't know if she had explained it properly, but Keith followed up with, "Thank you very much for sharing this with me, my love." He understood.

The bottom line was that her haughty attitude had only brought her misery in her life, and now she was ready for the next step. "Thank you sweetie. That is why I have to trust you and be willing to obey any particular commands you might give me, even if it hurts me, because the higher ideal and goal is only attainable if I render myself powerless, by choice. I do have to shut up and take it. I do have to lay back and accept it. I do have to listen to you, no exceptions. I have not accomplished that even once in my life, and my contentious attitude has been my downfall every time. No more... Just no more. In my heart of hearts I just want to belong. I have to practice love, forgiveness, and full acceptance, even if I am facing pain and punishment. Even if I don't feel safe. It is the hardest thing, yet it has to be done. That is all."

Keith was deeply moved by her honesty and bluntness, even if he did not wish for her to act like some sort of servant girl in their relationship. He appreciated her devotion, and was humbled by it. "Thank you for being a blessing in my life, Lorena!"

Lorena smiled and finally turned towards him, noticing a tear in his eye. "And I hope you love me this much to listen to me too, at the times when it is right."

"Yes dear." He already was.

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