Monday, April 25, 2016


Marriage is a living, breathing thing. Like everything in nature it has its own attributes. It is an entity all on its own. It has life, ups and downs, and cycles. Sometimes it reaches the end of cycle, sometimes it is renewed, sometimes not.

Marriage is not a piece of paper, it's in the heart... however, once the other person is no longer in your heart, because it is too filled up with yourself, or other people or things, ideals or wishes beyond what you think the relationship can bring, it dies. Rarely do marriages die of natural causes--they are usually induced by one or both parties. Just as it takes two to make a marriage work, however, it takes two to end it. So, in this way, the death of a marriage can take on different forms.

Marriages that are dying can be like the ebb and flow of the tide (moving in waves, in and out until it finally goes out and stays out), or a calm sunny day (where everything is mutual and all parties agree and are happy with the outcome), or it can take on the attributes of a storm (where nothing is mutual and destruction is left behind in its wake).

A lack of mutual respect, love, desires, patience, tolerance, and commitment, will take on the attributes of a storm. In some cases, a hurricane. Mutual is the key word. When a marriage is mutual, the marriage moves in the same direction like the wind moving up a mountain. However, when one party wants to go another direction, the air currents go different ways, and it swirls around where they meet.

A recurring theme (of what lies in your heart) in a marriage, is cycled over and over, and spirals upon itself... negative thoughts will feed upon themselves... closing in, until it intensifies like a hurricane. Well-formed strong storms have an eye at the center, and at its edge is the eye wall, which is where the storm's edge is at its greatest intensity. Sometimes the battering rain of your tears and the mighty winds of change allow you to pass through this, into the eye of the storm.

In the eye the winds stop, you can see clearly, and despite the storm around it, there is peace in this spot. It is an eerie peace... for even though the wind is not present, yet you can hear it all around, and the air pressure is very low. Sound does not move through this space as it normally would, and the sea is still tossing to and fro. If you were on a boat in the eye of a hurricane (cyclone) you would experience surging and yawing, pitching and rolling on the sea's surface, even though the wind has fled. The peace is temporary. That is, unless you move with it.

One can follow this eye as the storm moves, to keep some peace within, but one needs to take flight or the waves might still turn you over. You can fly up and out of this storm and avoid all of the turmoils associated with it, although chances are, you will need to follow it as the storm moves, until it runs its course and finally fizzles out and ends.

The storm will have gone, and the environment will look better then... sunny and bright... although fraught with destruction all around, which the storm has caused.

Pick up the pieces, and build a new life. It is all you can do.

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