Monday, June 6, 2016

HOW TO (NOT) HANDLE IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS


I learned a long time ago that talking calmly and knowing ahead what you want to say to someone in an important conversation is the KEY to having success. I discussed the topic of porn addiction with someone in this manner yesterday and there was an admitted problem, and they agreed that it was an obsession and that they planned to stop. It was an amazing breakthrough and went so smoothly. No fighting, nor blaming or arguing. Just an adult conversation that I guided.

Today I heard about an opposite occurrence that happened. A lady I know had gone out with the husband and mother-in-law for dinner the night before at a pub, for a beer and hamburger. She wore jeans, slip on shoes, and a nice blouse. The next morning her husband yelled at her for being a "slob" because she wore jeans, which "wasn't professional" (realize they were going to a pub, not a business meeting). He was demeaning and had never said anything the evening before, when it actually happened. He was mad at her for something else the next morning and then blew up with blaming and criticizing. This is NOT how to handle discussions about any topic, whether negligible or important.

Intentional discussions are:
calm
courteous
respectful
kept in a low even tone
direct but not demeaning
without name calling
handled at the proper time
kept to the topic
firm but kind
planned ahead (agree on a time for the discussion beforehand)
no blaming allowed

Seek help if you are in a situation where you cannot seem to have an adult conversation with someone in this manner. It takes practice, and it has to be intentional. Remember the Bible verse, "A kindly tongue turneth away wrath."

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